Victoria Line Punters: What IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I am starting to get very pissed off with some of my fellow passengers on the Victoria Line these last few days. We all know the London Underground wasn't designed to handle the volume of people that use it every day but that's no reason to suddently start acting like spoilt brats.

I am fed up with being pushed, cramped, hurried, shoved and generally having my personal space violated. I know it is inevitable but the attitude of some people make an already unpleasant situation into a nightmare.

Here are some handy tips for you idiots whose concept of manners and consideration during rush hour is about a billion years behind civilization

Rush Hour Etiquette

1. Using Your Body as Battering Ram To Get Into An Already Over-Crowded Carriage is Fucktarded. It's uncomfortable and awkward to have someone's boob in your back, elbow on your side and hair in your face. This goes doubly for very over-weight people. Sorry if it is sizeist but it is RUDE.

2. It's Public Transport Not A Public Library. Yes, maybe reading your newspaper or book makes it more bareable. FOR YOU YOU SELFISH CUNT. I nearly got a paper cut in my eye yesterday when people used point 1 to get onto trains. Also, I've ended with newsprint on white clothing from people who refuse to put down their papers when the trains start to overflow. And don't glare at me if you can't keep your paper open because I need a place to stand. I paid for privige of standing next to your arm pit and I damn will am going to use it.

3. The Poles Are Not Your Own Personal Leaning Devices. They are there so several people can hold on to. So get our backside off them unless you want 5 people crashing into you next time the train stops.

4. Let the Passangers OFF The Train First. You hear it 20 times day but you're still too fucking important to wait for the woman with the pram to get off before you're pushing her aside so you can get on the train first.

5. Shouting "CAN YOU MOVE DOWN A BIT PLEASE" when there are about 100 people crammed into a space designed for 50 makes you look like a selfish twat. Shut up and wait for the next train.

6. Men: Your Balls Aren't That Big. Keep your legs shut when sitting and away from me.

7. Having Children With You Does Not Make You Exempt From Any of The Above.

8. If You Walk On the Escalators KEEP WALKING. Do not stop when you get near the top. Don't be afriad the machine will NO EAT YOU if you keep on walking. Otherwise you cause a backlog, over-crowding and people start crashing into each other because you stop for no obvious reason.If you're a bloody turtle when you walk, stand on the right and let the people that can manage it walk on the left. As is sign posted all over the Tube Network.

Here's a Little Song About the Tube