Holding It Together

The nausea and the horror of our split has faded now.
The daze cleared into a cold and sharp November day. It has been replaced by uncertainty, a steady ache and resoluteness.

After hiding at Stuart's place in Bethnal Green for a couple of nights(although I always came home for the night) I escaped to the country. I visited Vanessa in her flat above the stables in Plumpton.

It was the ideal location to try and make sense of my world, which had suddenly become alien and surreal.

Mike, her partner, drove her to the station and we went back to the stables. I was greeted by happy dogs, and snorting horses. The horse owners were in their riding gear grooming and feeding their animals.

The air smelt of autumn with the smokey smell of fallen leaves and I was surrounded by the sounds of animals and birdsong.

Vanessa fed me up, we had an immensely therapeutic chat as both of us are having issues at the moment. We watched Grand Designs while drinking white wine and eating Mike's delicious pumpkin soup made from the pumpkins grown on the very farm.

The next morning didn't start of brilliantly. It was cold and raining but as we had our breakfast the weather cleared and the sun came out. Vanessa and I walked to the Jolly Sportsman pub for lunch.

The walk was beautiful and was about 20 minutes long. The sun was shining, the ground was strewn with orange and yellow leaves, and the East Sussex Downs surrounded us with their green grass and rolling landscape.

We walk past an old Norman era church, and down the lane to the pub. The Jolly Sportsman was a much welcomed delight. We got the table by the fireplace, which kept us warm.

Our waiter was knowledgeable, polite but also casual and chatty. I had some home made ginger beer that was very refreshing. I had the leek and blue cheese tart for lunch, and it was delicious and lighter than expected. Vanessa loved her salmon risotto and Austrian Wine. The Irish Coffee I had for dessert wasn't so great, as it didn't have enough cream and too much whiskey but after such a yummy lunch I couldn't complain.

The pub also boasts a fabulous selection of drinks. Wines, ciders and many, many whiskies from the area and around the world.

We then walked through the serene and pretty garden with its lovely views of the downs and we were glad for the crisp air after such a heavy lunch.

I left East Sussex feeling lighter and ready to take on the world. I am still hurting, and that will take a long time to heal but at least now I feel like my world can go own.