Greetings from Sunny Enfield

Displacement is a funny thing. It's something I should be used to but it disconcerts me everytime. It's been five years and one marriage later since I've felt so up-rooted. It's for the best and there are things to look forward to and the little miracles thats keep happening. It still hurts a bit though and I don't think it's all sunk in yet.

I'm staying a bit far out until I can move to Rotherhithe on Sunday and it will be over a month before my furniture arrives, which will make settling in a bit of a slower process. I am afraid my new flatmates may be initially disappointed by me. It's going to take a lot of adjusting after living with the same person for the last 3 years to suddenly live with 5 other people. I know I'll be fine but I wish it were now.

Furniture Fund Appeal

Buying furniture should be an exciting time but I am finding it very depressing.

Scene One

LMBAh! I have found my ideal, affordable, home delivery only, furniture package. I must phone Argos!
Argos Lady Hello, Argos. Argos Lady Speaking, how may I help.
LMB I'd like to order This Bedroom Furniture Package. How long before it can be delivered?
AL That will be....35 days.
LMB....!...ok bye!

Scene Two

Later That Day....

Darian Oh, I need money for the bills. By tomorrow!

Yay. So the bills being more plentiful than I expected now I don't even have money for furniture let alone waiting for 35 days for it to be delivered! So, if anyone wants to donate money to Get Me Some Furniture Fund, I certainly won't try to stop you!

Don’t Shop and PMT!

I went to Tesco today on the way home from work. All I needed was milk.
I came out with:
Milk
Won Ton Soup
Jammie Dodgers
Chocolate Bourbon biscuits
Hash Browns.

Friday

I went to the Player for Wilhelm’s birthday where he’d made reservations. His table was an oasis of gay men in a sea of rich, straight people. We had a really good time and they make fantastic cocktails-for a price!

After a few drinks Stuart and I went to meet Danish Peter at Popstarz and we had a super time dancing to Neil’s retro set in the Rubbish room.

When we went to the Indie Room, strangely enough, I spotted the Ylvas! Ylva II didn’t remember having the picture taken either. Katie was also there and embarrassed the crap out of me.

Katie I’m here with That Guy, do you know him? (she points)
Val Erm…yeah…I snogged him once and then said I’ll be right back but went home…
Katie- getting very excited OH my god? Really??!!! I have to remind him!
Val wishes to fall off the stage unnoticed

Lloyd and Khalid appeared and there was much rejoicing. We had a fabu time to Tommy’s set upstairs (Wuthering Heights-hurrah) and then more fun in the indie room. I had one of my infamous spaz outs in the loo but the always sweet Stuart sorted me out.

Towards the end, I had a sit down with Wilhelm and his friend Henry (who is like a blond, posh, gay version of Laurence Llewelyn-Bolan, but in the best possible way and for some reason not as camp) . Grant also joined us and we had a merry old chat (oh I whinged they listened, whoops, must stop doing that when drunk).

Then I went home.

Saturday

I woke up in a heatwave. I couldn’t sleep. Darian had left the heaters on all night and I couldn’t get back to sleep so I rang Andreea and we went to Hamsptead Heath. I sat on a bench by the duck pond watching the Swans gingerly walk over ice.

When we decided to stroll up Parliament Hill we came across a marathon. Literally, there were people in shorts and sweatsuits everywhere. It was rather annoying as it made it difficult to cross the path. When we did make it to the top we watched the kitefliers do their thing. One man had a very long, colourful kite, which he was very serious and delicate with. When he send it up the tail flowed gracefully to the bottom of the hill, it was beautiful.

We had a coffee at Café Rouge (friendly staff, crap service) and queued for ages for a Crepe. Yes, they are probably the best crepes in the world and it was delicious but 35 minute wait?

In the evening I went to David and Albert’s (who are still couchless). We listened to tunes, had lovely Albert dinner and watched Donnie Darko (which I’ve seen before and is still fantastic) before an unnecessarily long journey home, thanks N38!

Packing Up Is So Hard To Do

I've definately collected far too much shit over the past five years for someone who's been pretty much skint the whole time. How did that happen?

Popstarz are redoing their website and I had a look through the new photo pages. I found this pic of Ylva and me. I have ZERO recollection of this event and I don't remember seeing her in Popstarz for months!

There's loads of cool photos of regulars and people I don't know through the ages and some very cool pics of Peaches during her performance there last summer.

Row Row Row Your Boat

Rotherhithe here I come!
Got me a small double room with a fabulous view, I can see the Gherkin! Not much of a garden though, the Thames sorta gets in the way...:-)

I've spent most of my evenings this week looking at flats and I was beginning to despair. I am still slightly despaired but there is a glimmer of hope in a lovely house in a stunning location in Rotherhithe that a couple of friends live in. Basically it hangs on it being big enough. I am going to view it tonight and make a decision.

The flats I've seen so far have lovely residents but, well, horrible kitchens. I need a good kitchen!

One of the people I went to see was really sweet and we hit it off. She was very keen that I take the room but the kitchen was extremely small. She was using the top of the midget refrigerator as a surface. And it was the biggest counter in the room. Needless to say, it was a no go.

Of Very Little Brain


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

A Bit Behind The Times




Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

A fascinating article by Kamil Mahdi criticising Bush and Blairs "moral highground" of claiming that a war in Iraq is for the good of the Iraqi people.

The Bush administration has enlisted a number of Iraqi exiles to provide an excuse for invasion and a political cover for the control of Iraq. People like Ahmad Chalabi and Kanan Makiya have little credibility among Iraqis and they have a career interest in a US invasion. At the same time, the main forces of Kurdish nationalism, by disengaging from Iraqi politics and engaging in internecine conflict, have become highly dependent upon US protection and are not in a position to object to a US military onslaught. The US may enlist domestic and regional partners with varying degrees of pressure.

Help a Fellow Blogger

X needs people to fill out a questionnaire regarding internet etiquette as part of her PhD paper. It's a short form that can be done over email and takes about 5-10 minutes to do. Don't worry, she's not a weirdo she's one of my old friends from High School. If you would like to help out please go here . Or I'll cry.

Are they serious!!? Definately mad!

The Guardian asked historians if they thought the current crisis in Iraq was more like World War II or the Suez crisis. The answers were pretty much "Ha! As if".

Spent a very lovely evening in Cafe 1001 on Brick Lane last night with the always gorgeous Ted who's back from the dead.

The Cafe is twice the size it was the last time I was there. It also lacked heating and it was extremely smoky, however, the atmosphere was still great despite the apathetic staff. The sandwiches we had were also a bit chewy but the coffee was really good. They played really cool chill out music like Bjork, Lamb and Massive Attack.

The couches were ultra comfy and we kept sinking into them like they were part of our shell. The conversation flowed effortlessly as Ted's English is much improved. Next on our list of things to do is go see and laugh at abstract art or try and catch part of the Bergman film festival. If anyone knows of any good, cheap exhibits or can recommend one of the Bergman films, do tell!

Being a thin female isn't always a wonderful thing.

"I hate you. You're so skiiiiiiinny you make me sick. I mean that as a compliment."

You hate me. I make you sick. Well, thanks just all to pieces. This is supposed to make me feel flattered?

It's an interesting double standard. I'm not uber-thin but I'm close. An ex-boyfriend used to point out how skinny my thighs were, which I wasn't sure was a compliment or just surprise. I never thought of them as anything other than normal.

The resentment from other girls is often palpable, if not overt. It's nice to be complimented but often it's stated in the "Ugh , I hate you" terms. I prefer to shop with my gay male friends for this reason.

Interestingly, there's been moments when I thought I needed to lose weight or at least tone-up, although thinking back I don't think I've ever really shifted much in weight in the past 10 years. I wonder how I became so body conscious? I wish I could stop it. I think I've started to. I think I've started to accept my body as being pretty acceptable with some rather good features (and some bad ones. Like Knees. Icky knees!)

Ah, so the Congestion charging began today and London did not fall into chaos and anarchy. I am working on Marylebone Road across from Great Portland Street station, just on the boarder of the congestion zone where everyone predicted a disaster. It was in fact calm, quiet and peaceful. Absolutely wonderful. I crossed the road without fear of being knocked down by psycho motorists.

Nice one, Ken.

Blog Backlog

I haven't been posting things. A bit reason I do this site is for my own personal memory. I am shit at keeping a diary so I do it online. Typing is easier because it keeps up with my thinking more and doesn't hurt my hand as much. I am left handed at that so I tend to make an ink mess of diaries. I need to know what I did!

-Cheers to Lloyd and Khalid for their difficult journey to Hackney on Wednesday night. It was lovely! Thanks or the cookies!
-To Vanessa who put up with my temporary exile from home on Thursday night. She bought me drinks at the Golden Heart and took me for Tapas. It was like a poor woman's episode of sex and the city. The talk was xxx rated and girlie.
-Once again Playtime was absolutely fabulous in Friday. It was even better than the last one I went to. Excellent sets again from Mike Monday and Big Daddy G. Thanks again to Lloyd and Khalid for keeping it blurred. W David, you know we love!
-And again thanks to Lloyd and Khalid for dinner on Saturday night. After marching and playtime I could hardly move. Thank you for your comfy couch!

Can you see me?

The March was spectacular, slow, cold and tiring. It was definately worth it. It's not the first march I've been on but it's definately the largest and most cheerful. Lloyd and I met at Holborn and joined the march at Aldwych which then turned south and west across Victoria Embankement. Waterloo bridge was at a standstill with thousands of people trying to cross to join the march. Slowly we went past Parliament, past Downing Street (which was booed by the crowd) and to Trafalgar Square.

It was very cold and we had a nasty case of the munchies. We were amased at the number of people and the merry attitude. The signs people carried were often predicable but often funny or odd too:

The Only Bush I Trust Is My Girlfriend's
War Is Terrorism
The Ealing District WoodCraft Folk
Grannies Against War
Not In Ted's Name (arrow pointed downwards saying Ted)
Make Tea Not War

It was incredibly exhausting because of the cold. The fact that Lloyd and I had been out til 4am wasn't helping either but we made it Hyde Park. Bianca Jagger was speaking but the helicopters overhead made it difficult to understand. Ken Livingstone spoke afterwards, possibly the person most in touch with the mood of the crowd. He was followed by Jesse Jackson, which was a big surprise to me. Tim Robbin's was on the stage as well. Mr. Jackson started off well but he went on a bit of a tangent but it was amazing to see him live.

I hope Mr. Blair takes this to heart. I hope he realised this isn't just against war. This was the last straw. For years the government has ignored the people and we're tired of it. How can they justify spending billions on a war when there is no direct threat to us from Iraq? When they say they can't spare cash for hospitals, firemen and education? We're tired of seeing the country go to hell and no one doing about. This is not the end of this.

Alvina Desir, queuing on the Embankment for the start of the march at noon said . 'I've never been on a march in my life and never had any intention. But something's happened recently, to me and so many friends - we just know there's something going wrong in this country. No one's being consulted, and it's starting to feel worrying -

Argh. Searching for somewhere new to live is driving me mad.

This is a city full of vagueness!

I am still cheerful from Friday.

I don't know what was in the Pink Dove but I want some more.

Mary and I had an interesting discussion about the difficulties of trying to say something seriously while on pills. Even if you are sincere and you really mean you will gush it.

"Oh, I really like your top" turns into "Oh my god, what a great top! I love it!! It's just great". You mean it, but then you realised you gushed so you add "I really mean that, it's not the drugs" which sounds even more like you didn't mean it and it was the drugs. So then you say "nevermind" with a big grin, close your eyes and keep dancing. But you know you meant it and that's all that matters.

OH poo. I just realised it was time to change my personal write up to accurately state my age as 26.

Surely there's something wrong here? Surely that number is too high?

My friend Stuart had turning 25 trauma, but I felt fine. Somehow 26 seems off to me, like I'm floating out to sea. 27 seems ok. There's something freaky about 26. Closer to 30 than 20. Past a quarter century. No longer able to tick off the 18-25 box in surveys.

Let me put it this way: until about a month ago people always thought I was older than I was. When I started saying I was almost 26 (or the last few days am 26) people seemed shocked and for the first time in my life I have been told I look much younger than I am. I think my face, maturity and age have finally crashed into each other. I will now be considered immature.

Could that have been the best Fiction ever?

It started off with drinks at Sahara Nights and loads of people turned out (thanks Gavin, Stuart, Sandy, Michael, Silvia, Danny, David, Albert, Darrenx2, Geezer Chris, Juliette and boyfriend, Lloyd, Khalid, Wilhelm, Ben, Mary, Anders, Pedram and I get the feeling I'm forgetting people!).

Orchestrating the move to Fiction was quite trying. Although those of us who went had pre-paid tickets we still had to queue.

Once inside things moved quickly. The Fiction virgins, Stuart and Gavin were lapping it up. Mary and I went mad for totally wicked track that's sealed my need to go clubbing in Manchester and lose it to the music like they do up there.

Gavin also tried his first disco candy and is a new convert to the experience. He also came running up to me and said "Guess who I just met? Ted. He's back living in London and he's single and still gorgeous"...ARGGGGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I try to find somewhere to hide. In the end it didn't matter as I just danced in the same spot all night.

Geezer Chris kept his coat of all night. We don’t know how. When asked why he hadn’t taken it off he replied “I hadn’t thought about it”.

We danced. Gavin lost his heart and mind to the disco biscuits. Khalid wore a cute hat and Welsh David was the best-dressed person in the club.

Juliet told me I have the best group of friends ever “And it’s not the drugs telling me that!”

I spent most of the night dancing in the dark room with David and Gavin. It was really trippy and just fantastic. It was a top evening.

The night seemed to have come to an end all too soon. We decided to all go home and rest before the party that evening.

Gavin came with me. I promised him a quite journey home but our bus broke down at Dalston Junction so we ended up walking the rest of the way to London Fields.

We came home, drank tea and chatted until 8:30 am when we decided to get some sleep.

At 10:30 we were pretty much awake again. At 11:30 I thought a chill out CD was in order so I put on Mezzanine by Massive Attack to see if it would bring the sandman. Instead we started chatting and decided to go into town.

First stop was HMV on Oxford Street to see how Welsh David was getting on at work. He hadn’t slept much either but seemed perky enough.

Gavin and I then headed to Old Compton Street and after much standing around confused on a corner settled on going to the Village. Mary, the Darrens and Chicago Chris said they’d join us there.

Chris was staying in a hotel down the road but it took him two hours and three phone calls to get to the Village. When he arrived he looked extremely rough. Apparently his night got a bit out of hand and involved 3 bottles of champagne. But there was still another party to go....

Next Time: The Birthday Party that nearly wasn't

Birthday Girl

The Weekend Birthday Celebrations were absolutely brilliant, I hadn't had that much fun since New Years. Thanks for everyone who came out, there's too many to mention right now.

Today is my birthday and I feel all tingly and foggy, just as it should be! I will write more later!

Let the Festivities Begin

It's almost 18hrs on Friday. My birthday is on Monday. Let the party begin.

Fiction won't know what hit it. So far 20 people have confirmed their coming...

I want to see dancing!

I want to see vomiting!

I want to see snogging!

I want to see inane e-ed up loo conversations!

I want to not remember a thing!

I want to see people having the time of their life-again!

I posted recently about the murder in Victoria Park. I've just found out that one of the bloggers, Londonmark I sometimes read was a friend of hers. It's a bit disturbing to know that the media made some of the information up and that she used to hang out at places I used to frequent like the Good Mixer and Victoria Park. I very much hope they catch the killer.

What's That Noise, Mr. Blair?

It's the sound of thin ice cracking.

Anyone else see Tony Blair's interview with Jeremy Paxman last night?

The transcript (including when an audience member referred to him as Mr. Vice President) is available here. There was a lot of "That's not what I meant" "No, you misunderstood" and "Let me just explain". Hmmm. Very dodgy.

I Like The Post This Time of Year

It came through the door. I heard a package come through the mail slot. Yes! Finally the JJ72 CD I’d ordered came through. I’d been waiting since October. The fan club had sent an e-mail of apology a few days ago saying the CDs would be sent out by this weekend. There it was in a CD shaped box. There was also a silver envelope in familiar writing with the rest of the post.

I ripped open the packaging to find…Christina Aguilera. Huh? Had the record company made a mistake? Should I send it back? It looked quite nice and came with a calendar. I opened the silver envelope. It was a birthday card from Stuart. Ah! It all made sense. Two weeks ago we had an in-depth discussion on Christina, her music and image and it’s implications to feminism.

So I went back to my room. A few minutes letter I hear another package come through the mail slot. I checked and there was an A4 envelope with my name on it AND it was too bulgy to be an application form (I’d already gotten two today).

I opened it up and there was a birthday card from Gavin. There was bubble wrap and wrapping paper. I tore through it. It was a frame. How exciting! I like pictures. Then I started laughing hysterically. It was a charicature of myself holding a camera. Obviously copied from a photograph with much detail. My bra strap showed and even my wedding ring was drawn in.

It was definitely a very good way to start the day! My birthday is not til Monday and the parties are still to come! Woohooo!

ps. The Christina CD is actually quite good!!

I hate application forms. I don’t know how they can gather accurate information on people from them. It's an invitation to bullshit. I find it difficult to fill in the work experience part as I’ve been a temp for nearly 3 years and have worked for dozens of companies.

Giving my current employer as a reference is odd as well. I’ve been with the same temp agency for years and I have only met one of the current team. Once. When I went to hand in a timesheet. They don’t know what I look like let alone know what I am like as an employee!

My schooling took place abroad and it’s difficult to translate into GCSEs and A-levels. I have a High School Diploma with OAC’s, which means nothing to the British. I dropped out of not one but two University degrees (Environmental Studies and Film Studies). Neither of which is actually useful or related to anything I do now.

I also hate the person specification bit. I’ve written it out so many times for so many different agencies and it numbs my skull. Especially using examples. How do I prove in writting that I can type or use Excel? Arghhhhhh, I am soo bored of these. Just take my C.V. It has all the same information and it’s already written out!

If they had any idea of what I’ve had to do just to stay in this bloody country or the number of times I’ve been thrown in the deep end as a temp they’d make me Chairperson. Cunts.

I *heart* Michael Moore

There's a new chapter to Michael Moore's Stupid White Men on the website. It's a funny, intelligent read.

Michael For President!

WIRED

Hurrah for the Greenparty and their realistic website with real advice on drugs and clubbing. That's what this country needs more of.

I was actually researching 5 HTP when I came across the Greenparty site. 5 HTP is a natural antidepressant used by clubbers to restore their seratonin levels. I started taking it last night and I've been bouncing off the walls all day to the point were I can't get much done 'cause I cannot settle down and focus for too long. I wanted to see if this was a side affect. It's apparently suppose to be more of a sedative but in a small number of cases people get wired. Go me!

Lloyd and Khalid are back now. I went to theirs and they brought me chocolate soup powder (the thick stuff for making those rich contenental hot chocolates mmmm). We just sat around and chatted. We compared notes on the weekend and plotted for the upcoming one. They were only gone for 5 days but it all felt like a breath of fresh air.

They bought a lock for their door for when they were gone so their flatmate crawled out of the kitchen window, across a wall and managed to enter their room through the window and unlocked the door from the inside. He let his friends stay in the room over the weekend. The boyz are now very pissed off and don't know how to handle the situation. Their flatmate left them b.s. voicemails ("i wasn't sure why you locked the door so I...."). I said to be upfront and assertive. And to lock the window in the future.

Short Review of the Weekend

-Went to Popstarz as per usual on Friday night to see the lovely Tim and Christof from Germany. Also present Stuart, Michael, Freddie, Emiliano, Anthea, Daniel (thanks for the chat!), Carl, Ruben, Manu etc etc
-Laurance was having a panic because the Indie room had to feed the music into the R&B room for a while. He ignored all of my suggestions.
-Ryan showed up. This is where it all went wrong.He'd just split with his long term boyfriend and needs a friend. Or rather someone to get wrecked with.
-Ryan put me in a cab to Vauxhall. We run through snow to get to A:M at the Colisium at 4am.
-We get twatted. Meet boy named Charmed.
-Strange man gave me excellent Shiatsu massage, which was heavenly.
-I dance with boy. He introduces himself as Joe.
-Half an hour later I realise we've already met before. "Ever go to the Shadow Lounge?" I ask "Yes, my flatmate Sam works there". Ah, that's were I know him from. So he offers me some k
-Suddenly Joe strikes a pose that transports me back to September 2001. Flawless playing on a stereo. "Hey! I was at Sam's for a chill out after Fiction once and you showed up with a suitcase and without having slept, fresh off a place from Ibiza and complaining that safety pins were going out of fashion because you'd made so many shirts out of them!!". Much screaming and happiness ensues.
-I meet attractive straight Spanish bloke.
-Joe, with friend Paul, invite Ryan, Charm and I for a chill out. I invite Spanish Bloke.
-Spanish bloke turns out to be tosser once we get to the cloakroom. It's 11 am and I'm not in the mood for this. While he argues with the cloakroom attendant Joe looks at me and I say "I am rapidly losing interest" "Should we leg it?" "Yup" so Joe, Paul and I run to the train station leaving the Tosser to argue.
-We arrive in New Cross and continue to drink and munch on smileys. Two messages on Joe's machine from Tosser, who aquired number from Ryan. We ignore them.
-Joe, Paul and I chat and listen to music. At 3pm I throw up a smiley in it's entirety. The happy face still on it as it swirls down the loo.
-5:30pm arrive home and go to bed. Sleep and sleep and sleep.

Sunday

Rachel had her leaving do at a pub near Little Venice. It was really lovely and I spent quality time with Lvpl St David, Sid, Mariam, Grace and Pedram. I was still having difficulty drinking alcohol. There was an old lady singing boring war-time jazz songs that kept interrupting the flow of conversation but we still had a brilliant time and an amusing tube ride home.

I like my friends.

I also got a call from Joe who still hadn't slept and was on his way to DTPM!

That's it! I am leaving this area once and for all.

I frequented Victoria Park all the time and I live on London Fields. I don't like Police Witness Appeals on my street. I walk through London Fields at that time almost every day. I've had it with sieges, bus detours and I've already been assaulted twice. I must leave. SOON.

Still feeling rough from Friday/Saturday partying. I did have a great time and made new friends but I'd really like my brain to return to the present.

Following the chaos caused by a mere 2-inches of snow last weekthe government and other agencies have called for an investigation and review of the nations infrastructure.

Demanding the review, after Tory jeers that the government's handling of the weather was "a complete disgrace", Mr Darling added wryly: "Snowfall in January is hardly unexpected."

...a situation described by London mayor Ken Livingstone as "totally unacceptable".

"Anyone would think that winter comes as a surprise to the top management at London Underground," he added.

The AA echoed that call. Spokeswoman Rebecca Rees said: "As things stand, local authorities are under no legal obligation to grit main roads. We think they should be forced to do so, and the havoc of Thursday night underlines our point." The organisation claimed some authorities had only gritted 20% of their roads.

Last Night is Hard to Explain

Last night/this morning/afternoon so wasn't meant to happen. Yet it did. My chill out weekend wasn't very chilled- unless you count the post A:M chill out at Joe's but we were having Smileys delivered straight to the door....

More later when I can get my head around it all.